When Enough Becomes Too Much: A Practical Guide to Recognizing and Recovering from Burnout
I woke with a startling jolt through my body, and what sounded like sirens blaring in my ear.
There it was again, the jarring sound of my phone alarm going off, for a third time.
Despite hitting snooze, I could still barely drag myself out of bed. I felt like I had been hit by a truck, having only slept 3 hours before being woken in the night with anxious ruminations, and being unable to return to sleep. Nevertheless, I had deadlines on 3 projects, a funding report due, social media posts that had to be scheduled, and 3 meetings with staff scheduled for the day.
I dragged myself out of bed, chugged a glass of water, hurriedly brushed my teeth, then rushed out the door. On the way to the subway station, I stopped for my morning coffee. No doubt this would be the first of 3 caffeinated beverages that day if I was to have any hope of surviving until the evening.
If I could make it to the end of the day, I would have the privilege of zoning out on Instagram while Netflix played in the background, before I had to wake up and do it all over again.
This was my life for the past 6 months.
When I graduated from law school, I envisioned having the financial and economic stability that my parents, immigrants from the small Caribbean coastal country of Guyana, had to fight for. I had never envisioned what I was currently experiencing.
I had been pushing myself for months to meet deadlines, working in an environment where I felt underappreciated, underpaid, and undervalued. I felt a constant sense of dread at going into work the next day.
The mere thought of what lay ahead for me at work caused me to feel like I had lead in my feet. I fantasized about how I could escape, maybe move to another country? Get a new job? I had always wanted to be a monk (and indeed spent months at a time living in monasteries). I wondered if that life path would still be viable?
I considered these options as I mindlessly scrolled through instagram lists of countries that had a better work-life balance. When I'd begin to get excited about the prospect of escaping, I'd remember that my family was here. I loved them and didn't want to leave them. So realistically was I going to make a change? Of course not. And knowing that made me feel even shittier about my situation.
"See, you're not even capable of committing to anything different anyways. Hurry up and do something already or quit whining and get to work" my inner critic chided.
I knew I was stuck. That much was obvious.
On the outside, I looked fine.
On the inside, I was feeling crushed by the immense weight and pressures in my life.
What I didn't know at the time, was that I was in the deep end of burnout.
Burnout: The Invisible Illness Plaguing our Society
Chances are, if you're reading this, some of this might be familiar to you. Burnout is not a personal failing. It is not laziness, despite what your inner critic might make you believe.
It is a real, measurable state of chronic exhaustion that affects your mind and body, and bleeds into relationships, work, beliefs, behaviours, and overall sense of wellbeing.
In today's always-on culture, it is more common than ever. With AI forcing increased productivity and siloing of workload, the global phenomenon of social isolation, and social media bombarding our senses with information overload, it's no surprise that we are in the era of burnout. According to the World Health Organization, burnout is now recognized as an occupational phenomenon with three defining features: emotional exhaustion, increased mental distance from one's responsibilities, and reduced professional efficacy.
Among healthcare workers, burnout accompanied by experiences of emotional exhaustion has been shown to be as high as 40%.1 In a recent meta-analysis, burnout among teachers ranged from 25 - 74%.2 The average age of burnout in our modern workforce is 32 years old, meaning that the average person will experience at least one debilitating experience of burnout by this age.
Unfortunately, burnout is most commonly mistaken for depression, and can exacerbate or even interrelate with depressive disorders.3 This misidentification leads to treatment options that are not always best suited for burnout.
Stress vs. Burnout: Understanding the Difference
Stress and burnout are often used interchangeably, but they are not the same thing.
Stress is typically temporary. It says: "There is too much happening, but I can manage if things settle down." It is often driven by pressure, urgency, or high stakes — and can even be motivating in short bursts.
Burnout, on the other hand, is what happens when stress goes unaddressed for too long. It says: "Nothing matters anymore, and I have nothing left to give." It is characterized by a deep sense of emptiness, detachment, and cynicism — not just fatigue.
Common signs of burnout include:
- Persistent physical exhaustion that sleep does not fix
- Emotional numbness or feeling disconnected from people you care about
- Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- Increased irritability, cynicism, or hopelessness
- A sense that your work or daily life has lost all meaning
- Frequent illness, headaches, or unexplained physical symptoms
- Withdrawing from social activities and relationships
What Causes Burnout? - Burnout as a Systems Level Failure
Burnout is more than just a cognitive state - it is a psychological and physiological state of exhaustion caused by long-term unresolved stressors. Stressors can be both external environmental stressors, or internal in the form of how we are relating to our emotions and the associated belief patterns - for example, having a strong inner critics.
To elaborate further, burnout is a whole systems issue.
Systems theories look at the role of systems in creating, sustaining, maintaining and upholding set dynamics.
In the context of burnout, there is an internal system (your beliefs and patterns of relating to internal emotional experiences, and external environmental factors) butting up against an external system (your work, relationships, or broader sociocultural contexts) in a manner that is incongruent for nurturing your most optimal means of functioning.
I also use the word "optimal" with caution, because optimal doesn't mean exclusively productivity. Optimal means being able to thrive in a way that works, for yourself, for the system, from a longevity perspective.
Hyperproductivity is NOT optimal. Let's get that out of the way.
It's a mode of operating that works for a short period of time, but eventually causes breaks in optimal functioning in the form of health issues, relationship issues, and subsequently a breakdown in the system as a whole.
An isolated individual is a hyperproductive individual, because we are wired for connection. We work because of what we think it will get us. Accolades. Financial security. A sense of accomplishment. When we trace those threads, many of them root back to mitigating fear and painful emotional experiences that could bring on feelings of loss, sadness or grief, and maximizing belonging.
When viewed in this lens, the focus of getting out of a state of burnout, and mitigating against the future risk of burnout - in other words, building emotional and physiological resilience - has to entail a holistic look at what is going wrong in each sphere of this system.
A Case Study: Dave's Story
Too often I get clients coming into my office, telling me they want me to help them deal with a stressful work situation or a difficult boss. I know all to well, the problem they come in with is rarely the core issue in what is going wrong in their various internal and relational systems.
Dave's Story
A case study in systems-level burnoutDave was a typical example of this. He came in with a long list of complaints about why society and the advent of AI was causing him to lose interest in his career, and neglect his relationships. He felt a sense of hopelessness and powerlessness, and didn't see the point in trying. He was overwhelmed, and his body appeared rigid and tense.
I felt sad in Dave's presence, and questioned why. As we began to work together, I inquired about the various spheres of Dave's life. Though initially mistrustful of the therapeutic process, he eventually opened up about the death of his mother one year prior. His belief was that "you acknowledge the sadness and then you just move on from it". He had used this belief to cope, but had not spoken with anyone about his grief.
When we explored his relationship to AI more, he spoke about the belief that "he's going to lose everything he has anyways, so what's the point".
Dave was surrounded by family members who also felt a discomfort with grief and sadness, and would quickly usher him to move on from it, stating "it's in the past, better not to dwell on these things".
Dave helped draw the connection that formed at the time of his mother's death: that loss was inevitable, and immensely painful with no way of processing the grief or getting out of it, so there wasn't a point in making an effort. Furthermore, if he stayed in the grief, he would face microrejections from family members who also had discomfort in connecting with him when he was experiencing grief, given their own discomfort with unpleasant emotions.
So how did he cope? He did what he knew how. He "moved on" cognitively and continued to push himself at work, while his emotional and physiological state showed signs of being stuck in grief - the heaviness in his posture, the drawn out look of sadness on his face, the pressure he felt in his chest whenever he was exposed to something remotely sad content in a movie or tv show. When not working, he would scroll Instagram feeds of manosphere content, which would feed him misinformation that emotions are a female trait, furthering his belief that he shouldn't and didn't have emotions.
When pushing himself through the grief no longer worked, he had a breakdown, experienced panic attacks, and eventually losing all motivation, feeling cynical, hopeless, and experiencing chronic fatigue and pain despite no diagnosable medical condition according to his family doctor.
His psychophysiological state had been stuck in a survival based response, coping with the grief by constantly being emotionally activated in a 'fight-flight' state until he eventually became numb and shut down, lacking energy for life, growing physically ill, constantly exhausted, and eventually being told by his doctor that he experienced burnout and should reduce his stress and see a therapist.
Dave's internal system held beliefs around grief that prevented processing it, and led to him pushing himself. His external relational system of friends and family members held responses to grief that contributed to suppressing it and depriving Dave of adequate support to articulate the loss of safety, security, belonging and love he had in his relationship with his mother, as well as the loss of hopes and dreams for that relationship. And the broader societal system of manosphere content in turn fed into his internal beliefs, preventing him from looking directly at the grief.
My Journey to Healing from Burnout
My experience with burnout was one of several catalysts leading me into therapy.
Years later, I made the leap to pursuing my own training in mental health, re-entering school for a masters degree and eventually pursuing licensure and a career as a Registered Psychotherapist.
However, in between these two data points in my life, I went through a deep journey of revisiting the beliefs, patterns, behaviours, and people in my life that created a dysfunctional environment and ultimately led to burnout.
Along the way, I learned core strategies that helped me get out of burnout, and have made me more resilient along the way in dealing with stressors that would have ordinarily sent me into a shame spiral and eventual burnout - such as dealing with medical issues and the loss of a family member.
I've distilled some of my learnings into the following core buckets for building resilience and preventing burnout.
Practical Strategies for Coping with Stress and Burnout
Build a Relationship with the Felt Experience of Emotions in Your Body
Our bodies give us signals in the form of felt sensations and emotions, which tell us about our needs. For example, just as you might get a gnawing in your stomach and a lightness in your head which are indicative of hunger, a heaviness in your chest might indicate sadness or loneliness and the accompanying need for support. Irritation or anger are often other early signs that burnout is happening.
One of the most powerful things you can do is acknowledge what is happening in your body, and begin to listen to what these sensations might be telling you. Burnout thrives in silence and denial, and overrides our most basic needs.
Taking time to reconnect with your body is a radical reconnection. If your feelings become too confusing, try externalizing the sensations and emotions as if they were an entirely separate being, and journaling with them in response. For example, if this weight in my chest was a child walking into the room right now, what would they be telling me?
In my work with clients, much of their issues around burnout resolve the moment they begin to move in alignment with what their innate feelings and needs are telling them.
Audit Your Energy, Not Just Your Time
We often focus on how we manage our time, but burnout is fundamentally about energy depletion. Ask yourself: Which activities drain me? Which ones restore me? Are there certain friends or family members who feel exhausting to be around? Are there others who feel like they energize you?
A simple daily practice of noting how you feel before and after key activities can reveal patterns that are surprisingly illuminating, and open up choice. Of course, we can't avoid every draining interaction, but asking this question opens the possibility of thinking about how you resource yourself with more positive interactions. Burnout often arises in people who have a tendency to override their own needs. Asking what is actually nourishing for you begins to uproot this pattern.
Reclaim Rest — Real Rest
Rest is not the same as scrolling through your phone or watching television passively. Restorative rest includes quality sleep, time in nature, creative engagement, play, and simply doing nothing without guilt. Exercise is one of the most well-researched interventions for stress and burnout. Even a 20-minute walk can reduce cortisol levels, improve mood, and restore cognitive clarity. The key is consistency over intensity — especially when you are depleted.
Building deliberate rest into your schedule — and protecting it the way you protect a work meeting — is not a luxury. It is a necessity.
Folks who struggle with burnout often know they should rest, but have difficulty turning off their nervous system from the activated 'fight-flight' state, and experience shame or guilt about resting. This results in taking vacations or time off yet ruminating and feeling like you can't rest even though you know you 'should'.
Reclaiming real rest is about creating safety. A nervous system that feels unsafe will activate and mobilize action rather than rest. Think about a figure or place - real or imagined - who you feel entirely safe with. Bring to mind the sights, smells, sounds, and feelings of being in their presence or that space. Notice what happens in your body when you do this.
Reconnecting to the sense of safety allows the body to shift from 'fight-flight' into rest mode. It also allows you to feel more comfortable setting boundaries, which leads to my next point.
Set Boundaries Without Apology
Burnout is often a boundary problem. This means learning to say no to requests that exceed your capacity, communicating your limits clearly, and resisting the cultural narrative that equates busyness with worth. Boundaries are not walls — they are the conditions under which you can show up fully and sustainably.
Saying no can be uncomfortable, and creates a situation where you may have to tolerate the distress that comes with introducing change into an environment that is used to you saying 'yes'.
Sometimes, we can also know we need to set boundaries, but struggle to do so.
This is a common sentiment I see with clients who have exposure to therapy speech, but have not yet felt supported enough to set boundaries.
Fear of rejection and loss can often motivate overextending ourselves, despite knowing a boundary is needed. Allying with supportive figures who honour and encourage your boundaries creates safety, which as mentioned above, is a crucial component of rest. Intentionally seeking out supports who will honour your boundaries, such as therapists, mentors, and allies with shared lived experiences, helps to create the safety necessary to guard against the fear of loss, and ultimately set boundaries.
Reconnect With What Matters
Burnout disconnects us from meaning and purpose. Spending even a small amount of time on activities that feel genuinely meaningful — creative pursuits, helping others, time with loved ones, or activities in nature — can begin to rekindle a sense of vitality and direction.
Take an audit of your current values. Print a list of your value words (or check out my somatic values exercise for a structured approach to identifying your values). Circle a list that you align with. Begin to think about the different spheres of your life - personal relationships, professional relationships, hobbies and interests - where you are acting in alignment with your values, and where you are acting out of alignment, often out of fear or worry of rejection. What is the smallest step you can do today to begin to move in alignment with those values?
The Role of Therapy in Burnout Recovery
A skilled therapist can help you explore the root causes of your burnout — the beliefs, patterns, and life circumstances that contributed to it — and develop a sustainable path forward.
This is especially important during major life transitions, when the stress of change can compound existing exhaustion.
Therapy also provides something that is rare in everyday life: a dedicated, confidential space where your experience is taken seriously and met with compassion rather than judgment.
You Do Not Have to White-Knuckle Your Way Through This
If there is one message I can leave you with - it's that forcing your way through burnout is a temporary fix, not a permanent cure.
Applying force to push through an excellent survival strategy. It helps us push down those nagging feelings that tell us something isn't right - with our work environment, our society, our leaders.
However, being in a state of survival doesn't allow us to access the full capacity of our cognition, creativity, and social skills.
When we are living in a dysfunctional system we need even more access to these skills to help build allyship, resources, resistance, and change.
Ready to Take the First Step?
If you are ready to explore what support might look like for you, the team at Life Transitions Therapy in Toronto is here to help. Reach out today to book a consultation and take the first step toward feeling like yourself again.
Book a Consultation*Note: all names presented in this article are fictionalized and anonymous amalgamations of case studies. Any resemblance to particular individuals is entirely coincidental.